Well... 2010 is upon us, so it's time to look back at the past year and realize how great our respective lives were, or how much they totally sucked. Then, it's time to plan what's going to be different in 2010. For me, 2009 was both the best and worst year of my life, in different ways. It's like a ballplayer having a horrible first half and an amazing second half, although my "streaks" were more spread out throughout the year. A few of you know about my intense struggles and simultaneous triumphs and great successes this year, but most of you don't (and never will). I won't go into them here since this post will already be long enough, but needless to say, I'm reloading for 2010.

Every single year of my life, when the year is over, I tell myself that I know everything I need to know and I learned what I had to learn, confident that I'm "ready" to face the challenges that lie ahead. Then, one year later, I tell myself the same thing... obviously realizing that I didn't know everything and that there was a lot to learn, once again. This year, it's the same thing, but I know what I have to do this year, and I have a tremendous support network backing me. This isn't about me going "into battle" anymore alone. I have a lot of "troops" behind me this time as well.

When I was young, I used to live for spontaneous moments and monumental challenges. Tell me I can't do something? Not only would that motivate me enough to do it, but I'd exceed your expectations in the process. It motivated me when I was doubted and somebody told me I couldn't do something. As time went on, I slowly lost that and closed up a little more year by year. Now, over the past few years, the thought of something spontaneous or a huge challenge no longer motivated me, but it frightened me. Better to play it safe, I would tell myself. I don't want to fail, so let's just stick to the status quo and live day by day. What the hell happened?!?

I got tired of this over the past few months, because I've met some incredible people this year and became re-acquainted with some other incredible people that I used to be close with, and I'm starting to get the "swagger" back. If you want to achieve something great, surround yourself with great, supportive people. Look for others that are "better" than you in the areas you want to improve. (I always say there's no need to impress people who don't impress you in the first place.) I'm really going to be doing some big things in 2010, and some of them surprise me that I'm going to be challenging myself enough to do them.

My main goal in 2010 is to train for marathon running. This is going to be monumentally huge for me, because not only am I just getting into shape again in terms of working out, but I have horrible endurance, and it's been a long time since I've been a consistent runner... aka "never". However, a few of my close friends this year started running in the past year or year and a half, and I've seen the changes first hand that they've experienced. I witnessed my closest begin his workout plan just over a year ago and he's now competing in triathlons, has never felt better, stopped smoking, is happier, healthier, and his motivation is through the roof. There are no negatives when it comes to running for him, aside from the time investment that it requires for training. I saw it with my own eyes, because we were once in the same place... zero motivation, lazy and reactive (instead of proactive), and happy about it that way. But everybody gets the drive and the spark in different ways and at different times.

I've learned that nobody can motivate me, no matter how much they try. I have to want to do something myself, and sometimes that takes years to muster up again. I can read all the motivational quotes and talk to all the inspirational people I know, but if you don't have that black flame burning within you, all of the external influences just won't matter. I guess I finally have become sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

So... this year, I'm going to be recording my progress with, of course, writing. I've found that in the past, when I had a goal (albeit not as serious as the ones I have for 2010), I never wrote them down, never shared them with others, and the failure rate increases exponentially this way. My ego has a self-defense mechanism like this where if I failed, it would justify it enough to make me feel like it wasn't my fault and to make sure I steered clear from the same challenge. But I've beaten that back enough where I'm able to take on something like this and see it through to the "finish line" this time. I've spoken with several people who were in the same position that I was, and I know what I have to do here. This is not going to be easy at all, but I need huge goals again. I'm shooting for early 2011 (likely the spring) in terms of running a marathon, but it could be sooner than that or later than that. Regardless, I'm definitely not going to push myself or try to be Superman... at least overnight. I'm going to record my progress and see myself changing step by step. I'm going to write about it for the entire world (all 16 people that care) to see... so this means there's no backing out this time, because everybody (all 16 people that care) are going to be watching me, and I don't want to embarrass myself in front of this crowd of onlookers (all 16 people that care). I have my early workout/training regimen planned, but any input from runners on here or prospective runners is appreciated since I'm basically starting out at square one in this venture.

So, that's that. I'd like to challenge everybody on here to choose one HUGE goal in 2010. What do you want to do? Or what do you want to change? What do you want to start doing? It would be kind of cool to have that mutual encouragement and support network when it comes to something that we thought we wouldn't be able to do, whatever our individual goals happen to be. Lemmy knows I'm going to need all the support I can get!

So... if you're up for it, share something big that you want to accomplish this year, and hopefully we can all work together to make sure we reach these specific goals. You have to really want to do this, and not just because other people are doing it and you want to "fit in" and do something too. Like me, it's taken years and years to get this motivation and drive back in my life. It took long enough! So if you're not ready, you're not ready. Maybe, just maybe, I might be able to inspire a few people to think about it in more depth as I succeed in this. I hope a few more people on here jump on this bandwagon, either to support me or to choose something that you once thought was "impossible" for yourself.

So... first, write it down, and think about it a lot over the next couple of days. Whatever you decide to do, there's no backing out now.

I'm ready to roll. 2010? BRING IT ON!